He spent most of his spare time involved in the activities of his fraternity,
the League of Apollo. From early afternoon onwards he was frequently to
be found in his fraternity fencing-room. However, he does not appear to
have found the fencing exercises, to which he devoted himself so assidu-
ously, at all easy.
11
He had to wait a long time for his first official duel,
which had to be carried out in accordance with strict rules and which would
qualify him to become a full member of his fraternity.
Nevertheless, he took part enthusiastically in the activities of the frater-
nity, which were dominated by complicated rules of honour and procedure
involving endless debates about disciplinary matters and relations with other
student fraternities.
12
He conscientiously visited sick and wounded mem-
bers of the fraternity in hospital,
13
exploited the opportunity of getting to
know the ‘old boys’ of the fraternity,
14
some of whom were influential
figures, and enjoyed hospitality and assistance from other members, for
example when travelling.
15
Despite this selfless commitment, he did not receive the recognition from
his fellow students that he was seeking. In November 1921 his application to
be made an officer was rejected, ‘because it’s believed that the fencing would
not be in good hands and, in any case, I would be liable to be prevented by
my father from performing the role’.
16
He does not appear to have been
aware of the fact that, as a relatively recent member and without having taken
part in a duel, he had applied for a post for which he was entirely unsuitable.
In February 1922 he applied for the office of ‘Fuchsmajor’ (who was
responsible for the supervision of the new members), but once again
without success. ‘On the one hand, I was hurt that I wasn’t elected,’
he confided to his diary, ‘but on the other hand, it’s very good. I’ve got
more time. I haven’t cultivated people and so I’m not well liked. Why?—
Because friendly types make comments about me because of my fencing and
because I talk too much.’
17
When the elected candidate declined to serve Himmler proposed himself
for the post to two fellow fraternity members, but again in vain. ‘I shall
never mention the matter again’, he promised in his diary.
18
Evidently he
was annoyed at his own behaviour, which his fellow fraternity members
must have considered very importunate. His attempt in July 1922 to win the
support of the League for an important change in the statutes also met with
no success. When, at the end of the night-time session, the vote was called
he found himself in the minority. He noted stubbornly: ‘Defeated according
to the rules, but morally in the majority.’
19
struggle and renunciation 47