Anker Susan. Real Essays with Readings with 2009 MLA Update

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 7 • Making a Plan 107

not have steady partners and did not stick around when a female mouse

became pregnant. The mice with hormones in this location were the ones

who ran from commitment. ⻬

Unfortunately, the research did not deal with the most common love

pattern: individuals involved in relationships that last for some time but

not for life. In this pattern, people have a series of serious relationships

that are often broken off when one person wants a formal commitment

and the other doesn’t. Perhaps this research will come next, as it is in

these relationships where much of the pain of love exists. ⻬

Though these behaviors may be built into the brain, scientists are

working on ways to modify the effects. They hope to ﬁ nd a balance so

that love patterns can be modiﬁ ed. One humorous researcher suggested

that before we select our mates, we should ask them to have a brain scan

to determine whether they’re likely to stay or go.

Write Your Own Plan

Before selecting a writing assignment, read how one student, Roberta

Fair, generated an outline on the beneﬁ ts of a college degree. You saw

Roberta’s prewriting on this subject in Chapter 4.

After reviewing her prewriting, Roberta saw that she could group her

ideas about the beneﬁ ts of college into three major points: She could get a

better job, be a better parent to her children, and feel better about herself.

She also used many of her prewriting ideas as supporting details for those

three main points, and she added other ideas that occurred to her.

Roberta decided to organize her ideas by order of importance, build-

ing up to the most important point.

⻬

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WRITING ESSAYS

108 Part One • How to Read and Write in College

THESIS (part of paragraph 1): Getting a college degree will help me

build a better life for me and my children.

I. Primary support point 1 (paragraph 2): Could get a better job

Supporting details:

A. Get a less boring job

B. Have more options for jobs

C. Make more money and work one job, not two

II. Primary support point 2 (paragraph 3): Be a better parent to

my children

Supporting details:

A. Spend more time with them because I don’t have to work

two jobs

B. Get them some things they want

C. Live in a better place

D. Be a good role model for them

III. Primary support point 3 (paragraph 4): Feel better about

myself

Supporting details:

A. Get respect from others

B. Respect myself because I achieved an important goal

C. Go on to achieve other goals

POSSIBLE POINT FOR CONCLUSION (paragraph 5): Won’t be easy, but

worth the time and effort involved

WRITING ASSIGNMENT

Develop a plan for your essay using the support you wrote in Chapter 6 or one

of the following thesis statements.

Recently, I’ve been very worried about

________________

because

________________

I am looking forward to

________________

because

________________

My brother/sister has just joined the army, and I am

________________

because

________________

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 7 • Making a Plan 109

When I have a conﬂ ict, I usually ________________.

People think I’m a very strong person because ________________.

Before writing, read the following Critical Thinking box.

CRITICAL THINKING: MAKING A PLAN FOR YOUR ESSAY

FOCUS

• Reread your thesis statement and support points.

ASK

• What would be the best way to organize my support points?

(Time? Space? Importance?)

• What point should come ﬁ rst? Next? After that? Last?

• What supporting details will show, explain, or prove each of my

main points?

• Will this organization help me get my main point (my position)

across? Will it help my readers follow my essay?

WRITE

• Write a plan that shows how you want to arrange your points.

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110

You Know This

You often rehearse

in advance.

• Your sports team

plays preseason

games.

• You practice

what you’re

going to say to

someone.

Writing a Draft

Putting Your Ideas Together

Understand What a Draft Is

A draft is the ﬁ rst whole version of your ideas in writing. Do the best job

you can in writing a draft, but remember that you will have a chance to

make changes later. Think of your draft as a dress rehearsal for your ﬁ nal

paper.

BASICS OF A GOOD DRAFT

• It has a thesis statement that presents the main point.

• It has primary support points that are stated in topic sentences that

develop or explain the thesis statement.

• It has supporting details that develop or explain each topic sentence.

• It has an introduction that captures the readers’ interest and lets them

know what the essay is about.

• It has a conclusion that reinforces the main point and makes an

observation.

• It follows standard essay form (introduction, body paragraphs,

conclusion) and uses complete sentences.

Practice Writing a Draft

The explanations and practices in this section will prepare you to write a

good draft essay.

■ TEACHING TIP

Suggest to students

that a draft is similar to

a dress rehearsal before

a play or a scrimmage

before a big game. In

addition, require stu-

dents to turn in their

drafts with their ﬁ nal

papers.

■ IDEA JOURNAL

Write about practicing

something important

before you do the

thing itself.

■ For more on thesis

statements, see

Chapter 5. For more

on support, see

Chapter 6.

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 8 • Writing a Draft 111

Draft the Body of the Essay

A good ﬁ rst step in drafting is to refer back to the plan for your essay. The

plan should include your thesis statement, the primary support points for

your thesis, and supporting details for your primary support points.

Referring to the plan, draft complete paragraphs that support your the-

sis. Each should contain a topic sentence that presents a primary support

point as well as supporting details. Usually, your topic sentence should be

either the ﬁ rst or the last sentence in the paragraph. At this point, you’ll be

drafting the body of your essay; you’ll write the introduction and conclu-

sion later. In general, essays have at least three body paragraphs, and they

may have many more, depending on your assignment and purpose.

If you are having trouble with a word or sentence as you draft, make

a note to come back to it and then keep going.

PRACTICE 1 WRITING TOPIC SENTENCES

Writing topic sentences for primary support points is a good way to start draft-

ing the body of an essay. Below is an outline that appeared in Practice 1 of

Chapter 7. Convert each of the primary support points into a topic sentence

that supports the thesis. You can make up details if you’d like.

THESIS STATEMENT: Being a good customer service representative in a re-

tail store requires several important skills.

I. Being pleasant and polite [Primary support point 1]

A. Smiling, saying hello [Supporting detail]

B. Looking at person [Supporting detail]

TOPIC SENTENCE I:

Answers will vary.

II. Listening carefully [Primary support point 2]

A. Making notes [Supporting detail]

B. Asking questions [Supporting detail]

TOPIC SENTENCE II:

III. Figuring out how to solve the problem [Primary support point 3]

A. Calling the right people [Supporting detail]

B. Filling out paperwork [Supporting detail]

TOPIC SENTENCE III:

■ See Chapter 6 for

advice on support and

Chapter 7 for advice

on planning. For a

diagram showing the

parts of an essay, see

page 51, and for a

complete draft of an

essay, see page 122.

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WRITING ESSAYS

112 Part One • How to Read and Write in College

Write an Introduction

The introduction to your essay should capture your readers’ interest and

present the main point. Think of your introductory paragraph as a challenge.

Ask yourself: How can I get my readers to want to continue reading?

BASICS OF A GOOD INTRODUCTION

• It should catch readers’ attention.

• It should present the essay’s thesis statement (narrowed topic + main

point).

• It should give readers an idea of what the essay will cover.

The thesis statement is often either the ﬁ rst or the last sentence in

the introductory paragraph, though you may ﬁ nd essays in which it is

elsewhere.

Here are examples of common kinds of introductions that spark read-

ers’ interest.

Start with a Surprising Fact or Idea

Surprises capture people’s attention. The more unexpected and surprising

something is, the more likely people are to take notice of it and read on.

I was saved from sin when I was going on thirteen. But not really

saved. It happened like this. There was a big revival at my Auntie

Reed’s church. Every night for weeks there had been much preaching,

singing, praying, and shouting, and some very hardened sinners had

been brought to Christ, and the membership of the church had grown

by leaps and bounds. Then just before the revival ended, they held a

special meeting for children, “to bring the young lambs into the fold.”

My aunt spoke of it for days ahead. That night I was escorted to the

front row and placed on the mourners’ bench with all the other young

sinners, who had not yet been brought to Jesus.

— Langston Hughes, “Salvation” (See pp. 745–48 for the full essay.)

Open with a Quotation

A good short quotation can deﬁ nitely get people interested. It must lead

naturally into your main point, however, and not just be stuck there. If you

start with a quotation, make sure that you tell the reader who the speaker

or writer is (unless it is a general quote, like the proverb in the following

excerpt).

■ ESL: Remind non-

native speakers that

it is a convention of

academic English to

present the main point

in the ﬁ rst paragraph,

stated explicitly.

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 8 • Writing a Draft 113

“Grow where you are planted” is an old proverb that is a metaphor for

living. Although I had heard it before, it took me many years to under-

stand and appreciate its meaning. If I had listened to that proverb ear-

lier, I would have saved myself and others many painful experiences.

— Teresa Fiori, “Appreciate What You Have”

Give an Example or Tell a Story

Opening an essay with a brief story or illustration often draws readers in.

Brian Head saw only one way out. On the ﬁ nal day of his life,

during economics class, the ﬁ fteen-year-old stood up and pointed

a semi-automatic handgun at himself. Before he pulled the trigger,

he said his last words: “I can’t take this anymore.”

— Kathleen Vail, “Words That Wound”

(See pp. 759–63 for the full essay.)

Offer a Strong Opinion

The stronger the opinion, the more likely it is that people will pay attention.

Sex sells. This truth is a boon for marketing gurus and the pornogra-

phy industry but a rather unfortunate situation for women. Every issue of

Playboy, every lewd poster, and even the Victoria’s Secret catalog trans-

form real women into ornaments, valued exclusively for their outward

appearance. These publications are responsible for deﬁ ning what is sexy

and reinforce the belief that aesthetic appeal is a woman’s highest virtue.

— Amy L. Beck, “Struggling for Perfection”

(See pp. 829–32 for the full essay.)

Ask a Question

A question needs an answer. If you start your introduction with a ques-

tion, you engage your readers by inviting them to answer it.

If you’re a man, at some point a woman will ask you how she looks.

“How do I look?” she’ll ask.

You must be careful how you answer this question. The best tech-

nique is to form an honest yet sensitive opinion, then collapse on the

ﬂ oor with some kind of fatal seizure. Trust me, this is the easiest way

out. Because you will never come up with the right answer.

— Dave Barry, “The Ugly Truth about Beauty”

(See pp. 817–20 for the full essay.)

■ TEACHING TIP

Have students write

introductions using two

of the techniques. Have

volunteers read them

aloud and discuss how

they catch attention.

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WRITING ESSAYS

114 Part One • How to Read and Write in College

PRACTICE 2 IDENTIFY TYPES OF INTRODUCTIONS

Read the following three paragraphs. Identify the kind of introduction they

use, and write the number in the space to the left of each.

1. surprising fact

2. quotation

3. example or story

4. strong opinion

5. question

Several government studies have reported that the number of over-

weight children in the United States has doubled since the 1970s and that

13 to 15 percent of U.S. children are now overweight. The studies cite a

number of causes for this increase; however, the biggest factor is simply

overeating. The average serving at the leading fast-food restaurants has

ballooned with the popularity of “supersize” meals. Many busy families

now eat at these restaurants several times a week because the service is fast

and the meals are a good value. But overindulging consumers — including

children — are paying a severe price in terms of their health, for they face

a higher risk of diabetes, heart disease, and other conditions.

The U.S. people must stop wasting the world’s resources. Although

the United States accounts for less than 5 percent of the world’s popula-

tion, it uses 25 percent of the world’s natural resources. One of the worst

examples of waste is the amount of gas we consume. The popularity of

sport utility vehicles (SUVs) has dramatically increased gas consumption.

According to Northeast Environmental Watch, SUVs use 25 percent

more gas per mile than the average car. We also waste vast supplies of

water by using excessive amounts of water while we wash dishes, brush

our teeth, take showers, water lawns, and do other chores. We must stop

our excessive use of limited resources.

What does the new business environment mean for college stu-

dents — for your own education and career choices? A fast-changing busi-

ness environment creates fast-growth careers at the same time that it turns

other careers into dead ends. The conventional wisdom holds that the

wisest course is to pick a ﬁ eld that is on the upswing. The conventional

wisdom is right — to a degree. However, in a turbulent environment you

cannot count on stability — especially in growth projections. Today’s hot

careers may soon be dead ends, replaced by tomorrow’s hot careers. This

means that success will come from considering ﬁ rst what you want to do

and what you are good at, and then developing a set of all-purpose job

skills that you can transfer to the next growth area.

— Kenneth H. Blanchard et al., Exploring the World of Business (1996)

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WRITING ESSAYS

Chapter 8 • Writing a Draft 115

PRACTICE 3 IDENTIFY STRONG INTRODUCTIONS

Find a strong introduction in a newspaper, a magazine, a catalog, an adver-

tisement — anything written. Explain, in writing, why you think it is a strong

introduction. Answers will vary.

PRACTICE 4 SELL YOUR MAIN POINT

As you know from watching and reading advertisements, a good writer can

make just about anything sound interesting. For each of the following top-

ics, write an introductory statement using the technique indicated. Make the

statement punchy and intriguing enough to motivate your readers to stay with

you as you explain or defend it.

1. TOPIC: Mandatory drug testing in the workplace

TECHNIQUE: Ask a question.

Answers will vary.

2. TOPIC: Teenage suicide

TECHNIQUE: Present a surprising fact or idea (you can make one up for

this exercise).

3. TOPIC: Free access to music on the Internet

TECHNIQUE: Give a strong opinion.

4. TOPIC: The quality of television shows

TECHNIQUE: Use a quotation (you can make up a good one for this

exercise).

5. TOPIC: Blind dates

TECHNIQUE: Give an example or tell a brief story (you can just sum it up).

PRACTICE 5 ANALYZING WEAK INTRODUCTIONS

Read the following three introductions. Then, indicate whether the introduc-

tions are weak (W) or okay (OK) by writing those letters in the space to the

■ TEAMWORK

Practice 3 works well in

pairs or small groups.

■

TEAMWORK

Practice 4 works well in

pairs or small groups.

Students should be pre-

pared to explain their

choices to the rest of

the class.

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WRITING ESSAYS

116 Part One • How to Read and Write in College

left of each passage. For any introduction that you mark as weak, use the

spaces under it to explain why you think it is weak.

In this essay I am going to write about my car. It is not new, but

it is very important to me. It has a good sound system, and I can listen

to music while I drive. Sometimes I open all the windows and turn the

volume and bass way up so it sounds like the band is right there in my

car. Also, it is pretty good on gas, getting 20 mph in city driving. Before I

had a car, I had to take public transportation, which wasn’t very reliable,

so sometimes I was late for class or for work. It took all of the money I

had saved, plus a loan, but my car was worth every penny. It has changed

my life for the better.

Reasons for choices will vary.

We have two good friends, quite dissimilar in most ways, who

share one common characteristic. They have no sense of smell. Paul is an

electrical engineer in his early thirties. Warren is a well-known professor

of psychology some twenty years older. Although you might expect this

condition to be extremely rare, the inability to smell, called “anosmia,” is

relatively common, occurring in about 1 in 500 people.

— Don H. Hockenbury and Sandra E. Hockenbury,

Discovering Psychology, 2nd ed. (2001)

“If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude” is a quote by

the writer Amy Tan. Tan is a good writer, and I agree with her. I have a bad

attitude about my job. The place is ﬁ lthy, and we can’t talk to each other.

Write a Conclusion

Your conclusion should have energy and match the force of your thesis

statement; it is your last chance to drive your main point home. Fading

out with a weak conclusion is like slowing down at the end of a race. In

fact, you should give yourself a last push at the end because people usually

remember best what they see, hear, or read last. A good conclusion cre-

ates a sense of completion: It not only brings readers back to where they

started but also shows them how far they have come.

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