Anker Susan. Real Essays with Readings with 2009 MLA Update
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EDITING ESSAYS
Chapter 32 • Sentence Variety 577
PRACTICE 13 JOINING IDEAS USING AN
ADJECTIVE CLAUSE
Fill in the blank in each of the following sentences with an appropriate ad-
jective clause. Add commas, if necessary. There are many possible ways to
complete each sentence.
EXAMPLE: Interactive television
, which has started to become available
to consumers,
is a potential threat to viewers’ privacy.
1. Many Web sites
try to make a profi t by selling information about visitors to the site.
2. Consumers must provide information to retail
Web sites before being allowed to complete a purchase.
3. Consumer privacy is suffering fur-
ther with interactive television.
4. A viewer may not real-
ize that the broadcaster is collecting information about him or her.
5. The sale of personal information
can bring huge profi ts.
Edit Paragraphs and Your Own Writing
Create sentence variety in the following paragraphs by joining at least two
sentences in each of the paragraphs. Try to use several of the techniques
discussed in this chapter. There are many possible ways to edit each para-
graph. You may want to refer to the chart on page 581.
EDITING REVIEW 1
(1) Rats might be nicer creatures than people think. (2) It’s certainly
hard to love and appreciate rats. (3) They carry serious diseases like
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EDITING ESSAYS
578 Part Five • Other Grammar Concerns
typhus, salmonella poisoning, and bubonic plague. (4) Rats have such
huge appetites that it has been estimated that they destroy as much as
one-third of humans’ food supplies every year. (5) It has been estimated
that rats have been responsible for ten million deaths over the past cen-
tury alone. (6) Rats in the laboratory should probably be given credit for
saving as many lives as wild rats have taken.
(7) Rats are used widely in laboratory research. (8) Rats have many
similarities to humans. (9) Young rats are ticklish. (10) When a rat pup
is gently scratched at certain spots, such as the nape of the neck, it will
squeal. (11) The squeal can be heard only with an ultrasound scan.
(12) The squeal has a similar soundgram pattern to that of a human
giggle. (13) Rats can get addicted to the same drugs that humans do.
(14) Rats crave alcohol, nicotine, amphetamine, and cocaine. (15) Rats
can also overindulge. (16) They can continue consuming food or drugs
until they die.
(17) Studies also show that rats, similar to humans, have personali-
ties. (18) They can be sad or cheerful depending on how they were raised
and their circumstances. (19) Rats that have been raised in stable, caring
conditions tend to be optimists. (20) Rats reared in uneven and unreli-
able conditions are likely to be pessimists. (21) Both types of rats can
learn to connect a certain sound with getting food. (22) They also can
associate another sound with no food. (23) However, when they hear a
new sound, the two types of rats react differently. (24) The new sound is
not associated with either food or no food. (25) The optimist will run to
the food dispenser. (26) It is expecting to be fed. (27) The pessimist will
go somewhere else. (28) It is expecting nothing.
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EDITING ESSAYS
Chapter 32 • Sentence Variety 579
(29) Rats can express kindness. (30) Researchers put pairs of female
rats who were littermates in a cage but separated by wire mesh. (31) In
each half of the cage, a rat could pull a lever that would deliver food to her
sister but not to herself. (32) Each rat learned to be a giver of food and a
recipient of a gift of food from her sister. (33) Then, one of the rats was
replaced by an unfamiliar and unrelated rat that had never learned about
the food gift process. (34) Those rats who had recently received food gifts
were 21 percent more likely to pull the lever to give food to their new,
unknown partners. (35) The researchers believe that these rats were gen-
erous only because another rat had just been kind to them. (36) Perhaps
there is more to the rodents than previously thought.
EDITING REVIEW 2
(1) Employees once wanted nothing more than to stay at their jobs
as long as possible. (2) They also viewed career advancement as a high
priority. (3) The optimal situation was to be valued on the job. (4) This
brought rewards of satisfaction and money as well as the attainment of
higher rungs on the corporate ladder. (5) Today’s young employees are
going in a different direction. (6) Young workers these days have some
expectations that few, if any, jobs could satisfy.
(7) A twenty-eight-year-old designer at an architecture fi rm had two
weeks of vacation every year. (8) This is the standard vacation for most
young employees. (9) Employees are commonly encouraged to take only
one of these weeks off at a time. (10) Many have trouble fi nding time to
take any vacation at all. (11) The designer arranged to take a job with
another fi rm. (12) He then resigned from his current fi rm. (13) His new
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EDITING ESSAYS
580 Part Five • Other Grammar Concerns
fi rm agreed that he could begin work in four weeks. (14) He then left on
a leisurely motorcycle trip beginning in the South, swinging over to the
Rocky Mountains and returning across the Great Plains. (15) He chose
an alternative to the entry-level two-week vacation. (16) He quit, went on
an adventure, and then started a new job.
(17) A thirty-three-year-old bankruptcy lawyer was focused on
a similar quest. (18) She quit her job, had an extended visit with her
family, traveled for four months through New Zealand, Australia, South-
east Asia, and central Europe and then found a new job at a different law
fi rm. (19) In another telling example, a software engineer, thirty-two,
worked hard with little vacation during the ten years he was with his
company. (20) He quit to live his dream of visiting all fi fty-eight national
parks. (21) His skills were in demand. (22) He did not worry about
fi nding another job but was concerned about getting burned out again.
(23) Growing up in a time of relative prosperity and economic stability,
these workers can usually fi nd new jobs. (24) This is perhaps a major
difference between today’s young employees and the generation before
them.
(25) A twenty-seven-year-old minister and his wife left their posts in
Colorado Springs for new positions at a church in Philadelphia. (26) They
took six weeks off between jobs. (27) They say the six weeks of unemploy-
ment was healthy. (28) They maintain that they are not defi ned by what
they do but by who they are. (29) They are emblematic of their genera-
tion of workers. (30) They took time off to renew relationships and pursue
experiences that helped them reach a comfortable balance between work
and life.
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EDITING ESSAYS
Chapter 32 • Sentence Variety 581
PRACTICE 14 EDITING YOUR OWN WRITING
FOR SENTENCE VARIETY
As a fi nal practice, edit a piece of your own writing for sentence variety. It
can be a paper you are working on for this course, a paper you’ve already fi n-
ished, a paper for another course, a recent piece of writing from your work or
everyday life, or your idea journal entry. You may want to use the following
chart as you edit.
HOW TO EDIT FOR SENTENCE VARIETY
Having sentence variety means using
assorted sentence patterns, lengths,
and rhythms in your writing.
If you tend to write short, similar-sounding
sentences, use these techniques to
introduce variety into your writing.
Be careful not to
create a dangling
modifi er.
An appositive
renames a noun.
Set it off with commas.
Be careful when punctuating
an adjective clause. It may
need commas around it.
Start some
sentences with
adverbs
(see p. 564).
Join ideas
using an -ing
verb form
(see p. 566).
Join ideas
using an -ed
verb form
(see p. 569).
Join ideas
using an
appositive
(see p. 572).
Join ideas
using an
adjective clause
(see p. 575).
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582
33
Formal English and ESL
Grammar Trouble Spots for
Multilingual Students
Academic, or formal, English is the English you will be expected to use
in college and in most work situations, especially in writing. If you are
not used to speaking and writing formal English or if English is not your
fi rst language, this chapter will help you with the most common problems
students have.
NOTE: In this chapter, we use the word English to refer to formal
English.
Basic Sentence Patterns
Statements
Every sentence in English must have at least one subject and one verb
(S-V) that together express a complete idea. (Some languages, such as
Spanish and Italian, do not always use a subject because the subject is
implied by the verb. In English, always include a subject.) The subject
performs the action, and the verb names the action, as in the sentence
that follows.
S V
The pitcher throws.
Other English sentence patterns build on that structure. One of the
most common patterns is subject-verb-object (S-V-O).
■ IDEA JOURNAL
Write about a cultural
or religious family
tradition.
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EDITING ESSAYS
Chapter 33 • Formal English and ESL 583
S V O
The pitcher throws the ball.
There are two kinds of objects.
• A direct object receives the action of the verb.
S V DO
The pitcher throws the ball.
[The ball directly receives the action of the verb throws.]
• An indirect object does not receive the action of the verb. Instead, the ac-
tion is performed for or to the person.
S V IO DO
The pitcher throws me the ball.
or
S V DO IO
The pitcher throws the ball to me.
[In both of these sentences, the word me doesn’t receive the action of the verb,
throws. The action is performed to the person.]
PRACTICE 1 SENTENCE PATTERNS
Label the subject (S), verb (V), direct object (DO), and indirect object (IO)
in the following three sentences.
1. John sent the letter.
2. John sent Beth the letter.
3. John sent the letter to Beth.
Note that the S-V-O pattern differs from the sentence patterns in
some other languages. For example, in some languages (like Arabic) the
pattern may be S-O-V; other languages don’t have as strictly defi ned a
word order (Spanish, Italian, and Russian, for example).
■ For other common
English sentence
patterns, see
Chapter 22.
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EDITING ESSAYS
584 Part Five • Other Grammar Concerns
Another common sentence pattern is subject-verb-prepositional
phrase. In standard English, the prepositional phrase typically follows the
subject and verb.
S V Prepositional phrase
Lilah went to the movies.
PRACTICE 2 USING CORRECT WORD ORDER
Read each of the sentences that follow. If the sentence is correct, write “C” in
the blank to the left of it. If it is incorrect, write “I” and rewrite the sentence
using correct word order.
EXAMPLE:
I
The ball to me Sara threw.
REVISION:
Sara threw the ball to me.
1. Sports Sara likes a lot.
REVISION:
2. To baseball camp she went this spring.
REVISION:
3. At the camp, she met many other good players.
REVISION:
4. At the end of camp, she gave to the other players her address.
REVISION:
5. With them she will try to stay in touch.
REVISION:
Negatives
To form a negative statement, use one of these words, often with a helping
verb such as can/could, does/did, has/have, or should/will/would.
never nobody no one nowhere
no none not
■ For more
practice with ESL
grammar issues, visit
Exercise Central at
bedfordstmartins
.com/realessays.
■ Answers to odd-
numbered practice
items are at the back
of the book.
■ For more on
prepositions, see
pages 622–26. For
more on the parts
of sentences, see
Chapter 22.
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EDITING ESSAYS
Chapter 33 • Formal English and ESL 585
Notice in the example sentences that the word not comes after the helping
verb.
SENTENCE The baby can talk.
NEGATIVE The baby no can talk.
SENTENCE The store sells cigarettes.
NEGATIVE The store no sells
/
cigarettes.
SENTENCE Jonah talks too much.
NEGATIVE Jonah not talks
/
too much.
SENTENCE Johnetta will call.
NEGATIVE Johnetta no will call.
SENTENCE Caroline called.
NEGATIVE Caroline no did call.
SENTENCE Paul will come.
NEGATIVE Paul no will come.
cannot
^
does not
^
does
^
not
^
not
^
not
^
Common Helping Verbs
FORMS OF BE FORMS OF HAVE FORMS OF DO OTHER VERBS
am have do can
are has does could
been had did may
being might
is must
was should
were will
The helping verb cannot be omitted in expressions using not.
INCORRECT The store not sell cigarettes.
CORRECT The store does not sell cigarettes.
[Does, a form of the helping verb do, must come before not.]
■ For more on help-
ing verbs and their
forms, see Chapter 22.
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EDITING ESSAYS
586 Part Five • Other Grammar Concerns
CORRECT The store is not selling cigarettes.
[Is, a form of be, must come before not.]
Double negatives are not standard in English.
INCORRECT Johnetta will not call no one.
CORRECT Johnetta will not call anyone.
CORRECT Johnetta will call no one.
INCORRECT Shane does not have no ride.
CORRECT Shane does not have a ride
CORRECT Shane has no ride.
When forming a negative in the simple past tense, use the past tense
of the helping verb do.
did + not + base verb without an -ed = negative past tense
SENTENCE I talked to Kayla last night.
[Talked is the past tense.]
NEGATIVE I did not talk to Kayla last night.
[Note that talk in this sentence does not have an -ed ending because the helping
verb did conveys that past.]
SENTENCE Kerry passed the test.
NEGATIVE Kerry did not pass the test.
PRACTICE 3 FORMING NEGATIVES
Rewrite the sentences to make them negative.
not
EXAMPLE: Jamal’s computer is working too quickly.
1. It starts up as fast as it used to.
2. Jamal remembers how fast it once started.
3. He is defi nitely happy with its speed now.
4. He wants to spend the money for a new computer.
^
■ For forming nega-
tives in other tenses,
see pages 478–88 and
596–608.
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