Anker Susan. Real Essays with Readings with 2009 MLA Update

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EDITING ESSAYS

Chapter 33 • Formal English and ESL 627

these device a driver can see and reach, the greater the risk of that driver’s

attention getting distracted to driving.

(7) The risk can be high. (8) According to estimates by the National

Highway Trafﬁ c Safety Administration, 80 percent of vehicle crash and

65 percent of close calls are partly due on driver distraction. (9) While

automakers point to consumer demand as her reason for including more

electronics for the driver, some car companies say they are making driv-

ing safer by increasing their offerings of hands-free phone systems and

by making voice-activated technology easier to use. (10) One car manu-

facturer he recently introduced a feature in a concept minivan — one that

is not in production — that attempts of address this problem. (11) It is a

button that the driver she can push to instantly shut off all unnecessary

electronic devices in the car. (12) Perhaps driving would get safer if more

driver just say to their electronics, “Enough!”

EDITING REVIEW 2 (12 errors)

Edit the following paragraphs for errors in the use of verbs.

(1) One of the most fascinating mysteries in nature be the annual

fall migration of monarch butterﬂ ies. (2) Every autumn, many of these

bright orange butterﬂ ies must travel all the way from Canada and the

northern United States to Mexico. (3) In central Mexico, they will spend

the winter; the next spring, they beginning their return journey. (4) But

the monarch butterﬂ ies that leave Canada in the fall will not be the same

butterﬂ ies that to return in the spring. (5) The butterﬂ ies that get back

to Canada in spring will have been the great-grandchildren of those that

had left in the fall.

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EDITING ESSAYS

628 Part Five • Other Grammar Concerns

(6) In the spring, the butterﬂ ies that ﬂ ew from Canada to Mexico

begin to mate and start back north. (7) But they only would have gotten to

Texas, where they lay their eggs and soon die. (8) The daughters that are

then born in Texas ﬂ y on to the northern United States, where they breed,

lay their eggs, and die. (9) The next generation, the grandchildren, con-

tinue the northward migration to Canada, and then they breed and die.

(10) Their offspring are the great-grandchildren of the butterﬂ ies that will

have left Canada in the previous autumn.

(11) So the question remains: How do these subsequent generations

of monarchs know where they must to go? (12) The answer, unfortu-

nately, is that nobody knew for sure. (13) One theory assumes that the

butterﬂ ies somehow use the sun’s position to ﬁ gure out the general direc-

tion in which they should go. (14) When the butterﬂ ies need to navigate

in the mountains of central Mexico, the theory states that the insects fol-

low the smell of the dead bodies of butterﬂ ies that ﬂ ying this route before.

(15) However, some scientists do not believe that the odors of the dead

bodies last for a year. (16) For now, all anyone can do is enjoying the

spectacular monarchs as they brieﬂ y visit our backyards, and wonder how

they would manage their mysterious 4,000-mile-long journey.

EDITING REVIEW 3 (12 errors)

Edit the following paragraphs for errors in the use of verbs.

(1) E-mail is a young form of communication, and many of its con-

ventions are still to evolve. (2) One of the most important conventions is

the sign-off one should make to end an e-mail message. (3) Before elec-

tronic communications, every third grader is learning the proper sign-offs

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EDITING ESSAYS

Chapter 33 • Formal English and ESL 629

to a personal or business letter. (4) Most people would usually close a

letter with “Sincerely,” “Yours truly,” or “Love.” (5) With e-mail, those

old conventions changed into no conventions at all, and sign-offs now

seem to do more than simply end messages.

(6) Some e-mailers look carefully at the sign-offs as indicators of

how well the relationship will be to go. (7) One businesswoman described

what happening to the e-mail sign-offs as her contract negotiations with

a client will have begun to go badly. (8) In the beginning, she and her

client used sign-offs like, “I look forward to hearing from you soon” and

“Warmest regards.” (9) But as difﬁ culties are arising, the sign-off

became “Regards.” (10) The deal eventually will have been made, but

the businesswoman still has lingering bad feelings about the sign-offs.

(11) She said she usually choosing sign-offs according to how cordial

she feels about the other person. (12) So, she often to select one of the

following sign-offs: “Warmest regards,” “All the best,” or just “Sincerely.”

(13) One businessman, after to think carefully about what should be

the friendliest and most appropriate sign-off, now has used “Warmly.”

(14) What do you use?

PRACTICE 21 EDITING YOUR OWN WRITING

As a ﬁ nal practice, edit a piece of your own writing — a paper you are working

on for this course, a paper you’ve already ﬁ nished, a paper for another course,

a recent piece of your writing from your work or everyday life, or your idea

journal entry. Refer to information in this chapter, along with the verb charts

in Chapter 26.

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Part Six

Word Use

34. Word Choice 633

35. Commonly Confused

Words 647

36. Spelling 660

EDITING ESSAYS

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633

Word Choice

Avoiding Language Pitfalls

Understand the Importance of

Choosing Words Carefully

In conversation, much of your meaning is conveyed by your facial expres-

sion, your tone of voice, and your gestures. In writing, you have only the

words on the page to make your point, so you must choose them carefully.

If you use vague or inappropriate words, your readers may not understand

you. Carefully chosen, precise words tell your readers exactly what you

mean.

Two resources will help you ﬁ nd the best words for your meaning — a

dictionary and a thesaurus.

Dictionary

You need a dictionary. For a very small investment, you can get a complete

resource for all kinds of useful information about words — spelling, divi-

sion of words into syllables, pronunciation, parts of speech, other forms of

words, deﬁ nitions, and examples of use.

■ IDEA JOURNAL

Describe your working

habits.

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EDITING ESSAYS

634 Part Six • Word Use

The following is a part of a dictionary entry:

con • crete (kon´ kre

t, kong´- kre

t, kon kre

t´, kong- kret´), adj., n., v.

-cret • ed, -cret • ing, adj. 1. constituting an actual thing or instance;

real; perceptible; substantial: concrete proof. 2. pertaining to or concerned

with realities or actual instances rather than abstractions; particular as

opposed to general: concrete proposals. 3. referring to an actual substance

or thing, as opposed to an abstract quality: The words cat, water, and

teacher are concrete, whereas the words truth, excellence, and adulthood are

abstract. . . .

— Random House Webster’s College Dictionary

Thesaurus

A thesaurus gives synonyms (words that have the same meaning) for the

words you look up. Like dictionaries, thesauruses come in inexpensive and

even electronic editions. Use a thesaurus when you can’t ﬁ nd the right

word for what you mean. Be careful, however, to choose a word that has

the precise meaning you intend. If you are not sure how a word should be

used, look it up in the dictionary.

Concrete, adj. 1. Particular, speciﬁ c, single, certain, special, unique,

sole, peculiar, individual, separate, isolated, distinct, exact, precise,

direct, strict, minute; deﬁ nite, plain, evident, obvious; pointed,

emphasized; restrictive, limiting, limited, well-deﬁ ned, clear-cut, ﬁ xed,

ﬁ nite; determining, conclusive, decided.

— J. I. Rodale, The Synonym Finder

Practice Avoiding Four Common

Word-Choice Problems

Four common problems with word choice can make it difﬁ cult for readers

to understand your point. You can avoid them by using speciﬁ c words that

ﬁ t your meaning and make your writing clearer.

Spelling and

end-of-line

division

Other forms

Deﬁ nition

Example

Pronunciation

Parts of

speech

■ To look up words in

both the dictionary and

the thesaurus on the

Web, visit Merriam-

Webster Online at

www.m-w.com.

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EDITING ESSAYS

Chapter 34 • Word Choice 635

Vague and Abstract Words

Your words need to create a clear picture for your readers. Vague and

abstract words are too general to make an impression. Here are some

common vague and abstract words.

Language Note: Make sure to use the right kinds of words —

nouns to name a person, place, or thing; adjectives to describe

nouns; adverbs to describe adjectives or other adverbs.

INCORRECT Tyra seems sadness.

[Sadness is a noun. The kind of word needed to modify the noun, Tyra,

is an adjective.]

ADJ

CORRECT Tyra seems sad.

Vague and Abstract Words

a lot dumb OK (okay) stuff

awesome good old thing

awful great person very

bad happy pretty whatever

beautiful house sad young

big job school

car nice small

When you see one of these words or another general word in your

writing, try to replace it with a concrete or more speciﬁ c word. A concrete

word names something that can be seen, heard, felt, tasted, or smelled.

A speciﬁ c word names a particular individual or quality. Compare these

two sentences:

VAGUE AND ABSTRACT It was a beautiful day.

CONCRETE AND SPECIFIC The sky was a bright, cloudless blue; the sun was

shimmering; and the temperature was a perfect

78 degrees.

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EDITING ESSAYS

636 Part Six • Word Use

The ﬁ rst version is too general to be interesting. The second version cre-

ates a clear, strong image.

Some words are so vague that it is best to avoid them altogether.

VAGUE AND ABSTRACT It’s like whatever.

[This sentence is neither concrete nor speciﬁ c.]

PRACTICE 1 AVOIDING VAGUE AND ABSTRACT WORDS

In the following sentences, underline any words that are vague or abstract.

Then, edit each sentence by replacing any vague or abstract words with con-

crete, speciﬁ c ones. You may invent any details you like.

EXAMPLE: Jessica plays at club events.

1. Others play as well.

2. The club stages them often.

3. The last one was good.

4. At ﬁ rst, Jessica was troubled.

5. But after, she was happy.

6. Playing in a pit band is strange.

7. The music can also be hard.

8. However, she thinks it’s great.

9. Next semester, they’ll do a new one.

10. Jessica is preparing for it.

drums in the pit band for our drama club’s musicals.

■ Answers to

odd-numbered prac-

tice items are at the

back of the book.

■ For more practice

with word choice, visit

Exercise Central at

bedfordstmartins

.com/realessays.

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